Summary
Because don't you remember last time we had one you showed me up by voting for that gorilla?' 'There's nothing wrong with that gorilla, woman,' said Ug firmly. 'He's a very good backbench Moot member. Always throws me a coconut when I see him in the Paralysed Newt, if the boss ain't looking. Is he standing this time?' 'No, he's still shambling about with his knuckles brushing the ground. You've got to vote either for Og or Ig.' 'Bad as each other, them two. What's your election pamphlet say?' 'It says you can vote for either of them, so long as you do it by post. You just chisel your cross on a piece of slate and chuck it in the swamp. And if you don't know how to read your own writing, Og will be up a tree waiting to help you in any way what he can.' 'What if I'm voting for Ig?' 'Apparently, you have to wade over to the other side of the swamp where all them crocodiles live, and look out for Ig's agent, called Eg.' 'Eg? But he can't read nor write!' 'He doesn't have to, Ug, don't be stupid. All he has to do is make a cross against a certain name. But not being able to read, he don't know what that name is - that's how they keep the vote secret.' 'So what happens then?' 'Eg chucks your voting slate in the swamp and hopes the crocodiles don't slink back to their nests with it.' 'Why should they do that?' TO HIDE it, if they don't like your candidate. So then the returning officer swims out with a long pole and prods the crocodiles till he's got enough votes out of their jaws for the winning candidate.' 'Which will be who?' 'Og, if nobody's fiddled with the count. If it's Ig, he gets eaten by a crocodile and we say no more about it.
So what do you reckon, Ug?' 'Sounds fair enough to me,' admitted Ug. 'Fairer than the old system, anyway, where Og used to come round with a big club and ask you who you were voting for, and if you said HEAVY clay tablet sailed through the air into Duncrawlin, the Ugs' bijou cave, and felled Mrs Ug as it smote her between the shoulder blades.See the full content of this document
Extract
The Ugs Discover Postal Voting
'Post's early this sunrise,' observed Ug without looking up from the elk he...
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